he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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