And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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