his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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