five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
