I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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