I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
