having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
