i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize