you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
