SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
