Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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