Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
