i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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