Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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