i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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