How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
