she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You are the jesus of drinking
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
