he shaved USA in his pubs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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