i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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