the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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