Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
