It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think my moral compass just broke
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
