she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
