my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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