I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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