wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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