Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
