I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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