So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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