I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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