i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it hurts more in the daytime
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
