Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i believe in u and ur pee
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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