She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
