Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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