community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
