i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
