p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
