I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He shit in the fireplace
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
