I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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