I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
