If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will pee on everything he values.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
