i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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