Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize