last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
