Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize