We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
