when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
