Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
