dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
