Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
