omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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