Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize