Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
