these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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