super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
