i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
