Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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