just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
