there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dicks are not precious.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
