my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
