I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
