He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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