Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
