Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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