Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
