White coat. Heels.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
