im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
