You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
